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Mind Meanderings of a Temple Goddess
the manifested savourings of heresy
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Last week was my first full week of work, between that and STILL having no internet at home due the ineptitude of comcast and the age of my building I have now fallen behind in all my classes. ~sigh~. I am just going to have to devote this entire week to playing catch up. No sleep for Teri.

Work is going well. I am beginning to feel stifled living with my parents, not sure how long that's going to be a viable solution. I know they don't want me to leave, but I am just too accustomed to being independent and having my own space. Plus, I am *really* tired of my mom telling me to clean my room. I mean, dude, I am 31 years old with a baby a job and a full class load, I am so not about to be upset because Jacob's toys are in the floor.


Anyway, lunch break is over and I need to get back to work.
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So, I am working again. My first day was this past Thursday and while the job is busy, it is the first one I've had in many years that wasn't crazy and stressful. So far the stress has been the nice clean kind that goes along with productivity and from what the people who work there have told me, that's the norm. Now, if only Comcast could finally get their act together so that I can have internet at home, perhaps I could catch up with my school work and everything would be balanced again.

Jacob is a trip - I love him so dearly and he is such a wonderful part of my life. Raising him is quite a challenge so I'm glad to have a job that doesn't sap and drain my energy so that I can come home at a decent hour and still be his mother.

Working at Holliday Fenoglio Fowler, LP in ATLANTA, was such a horrible energy drain. They were so ugly and hateful, petty and vindictive. It was like being in high school again but worse because everyone was grown. When I first got there I tried to get my friend a job there as well. I am soooo glad they didn't hire her because I would have never forgiven myself for inflicting that kind of environment on her. Getting away from there was one of the best things that ever happened to me. As initially panicked as I was over losing my job while I was pregnant, the very next morning when I realized I'd never have to go back there it was like the sun had shone through the cloud for the first time in 2.5 years. Working in a place you hate, around people you abhor is like poison, and you bring it home with you every day. So while I may not be making as much money as I was before, I am very thankful to have a job in an environment that isn't soaked in negativity and greed. I couldn't imagine coming home to my little boy with that stank attitude I carried around the entire time I worked there.

I would call it a blessing in disguised but ~laughing~ there is no disguise, I was freed from Hell plain and simple.
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Now I know why people tend to go to college directly out of high school when they have no other life. Life and undergrad just do not mix. With having my mom in the hospital, moving, and life in general I am starting to fall behind in my course studies. Hopefully, I will be adding a full time job to the mix soon - and I was shooting for a 4.0 - HA!

Yesterday the cable guy came out and I though ooo! Maybe now I can get caught up on my homework because I will have internet at home again.

Yeah, not so much. This is what we get for moving into a building that's been empty for years and is currently being renovated - the cable people have to come out and do some construction first. Well, at least this will make it easier for everyone who will move in after us.

My mom is home, she left the hospital against medical advice because she could not tolerate sitting still any long, especially when we were having to move. They want to give her a defibrillator, she thinks she doesn't need it and therefore will not go back to get it. That's Dorothy for ya.

Anyway, I have lots of reading to catch up on and Jacob is asleep. We must take full advantage of nap time. He's eating and sleeping a lot - that is always a sure sign of a growth spurt. At least it had the decency to coincide with me trying to catch up in school.

I also need to find a daycare, I have decided he should go part time so that my mom doesn't have to watch him all day when I finally go back to work and so he can be around other children. He is a very social baby and loves other kids. I think it would be beneficial for him to socialize with other little people. Also, he needs more structure in his life.
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That was the advice I gave my mother before I left her in the hospital tonight. She's been having stomach problems for months and today it was couple with a headache. On her way to the bathroom she totally passed out cold - I mean crash to the floor, eyes rolling back in your head, moaning incoherently, out cold. We called the paramedics and she came to a little after they got there, but then she passed out again as they picked her up to put her in the chair.

I should have known something was going on when Jacob didn't smile when he saw her, instead he just looked up at her, then crawled over to where she was standing and pulled up on her leg. He was staring up at her with the strangest little expression on his face. I went back to reading and then I heard a crash. I heard her moan so I got up to see if she were okay and there she was laying in the doorway to the bathroom with Jacob peering over her shoulder trying to look in her face as if to ask what was wrong.

Before I left she had come around enough to be aggravated that they were keeping her overnight so I told her that next time she should listen to me when I tell her she needs to drink more water because judging by the stuff they had her hooked up to she was badly dehydrated and they weren't going to let her go until they fixed it and they probably wanted to watch her heart. The doctor told her I was right and so I patted her on the arm, told her to pretend she was on House and that I would see her in the morning.

Thankfully that was the end of our exchange because at that point I'd used up all my fake bravado and needed to breathe a little before I could muster up some more for an already squigged out Jacob.

I am so damned tired. I think I am going to work on some homework. Perhaps academic pursuits will wind my mind down enough that I can sleep.
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This has been such a tiring week. Most of it was spent trying to prepare for an interview for a job that I desperately want. More than being tired of unemployment, I am tired of the process of looking for a job – waiting for the phone to ring, putting on my interview suit, waiting for the phone to ring again only to have to restart the whole process. This position is a great mixture of all the things I’m looking for – an interesting job, with an office full of people my age, a completely casual dress code (the woman who interviewed me was wearing and old sweatshirt, jeans and a pair of flip flops) a nice salary and awesome benefits. Waiting for the phone to ring makes me crazy, plus, it’s the last piece of the puzzle. We are moving next week into a nice apartment where we can stay until I’m ready to buy something or go back to Atlanta, I’ve decided about school and progressing through my school year, I just need a damned job ~sigh~.

I have claimed this one as mine. I have prayed and I have said okay this is it, I claim this job. We’ll see if the universe listens.
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My livejournal(s) have served a variety of purposes over the 8 years I have used them. As we know, I currently have 4 - but these days I am barely using any of them. For the purpose of class, I'm going to stick with this one because it is the first and the main and the others ~smiling~ well, they aren't exactly classroom material.

I'm trying to figure out how to make an introductory post in something that's been a part of my life for nearly a decade (and it amazes me now to realize how long I've been keeping this thing and that there are actually still a few people around that have been on my f-list the entire time - especially Ange who created my journal in the first place back in the days when you had to be invited by someone who was already using the site).

I guess for my old friends I will introduce the new purpose - this time I am journaling for a grade, it has been assigned by one of my professors that we keep a weekly blog for the first six weeks of class. Perhaps you all will get to see a new side of me or perhaps I will touch on subjects that I haven't previously ventured into (though I can't imagine what those would be, I've pretty much run the gamut on this thing).

For my classmates - hi my name is Teri. I am 31 years old, pursuing my psych degree and raising my son. I will try to relate my posts to the class material we are reviewing any given week otherwise the entire assignment would revolve, as does the rest of my life, around Jacob the Jellybean. While I find every smirk, burp, poop and puke incredibly intriguing I'm sure being his parent creates somewhat of a bias. I am living with my parents, which was initially intended to be very temporary but now seems to become someone permanent (at least for the next few years) because my mom can't bear the thought of Jacob and I not being under the same roof as she.

It is two in the morning, I fully intended to be in bed by midnight - but you see with school comes this little thing called homework and I am finding it almost impossible to do with a precocious and incredibly adventurous 7 month old pulling all my books out of my hand and trying to eat my laptop.

I really hope that a few of the people who have started a blog for this class find a way to continue the habit - it really has been a wonderful tool over the course of my life. It has enabled me to get to know my friends in a way that would not have been possible before - I find that there is something unique about the machinations of writing - it seems to make certain areas of thought and emotion more accessible and articulate. The act of writing, especially the act of journaling and blogging, invites an intimacy that we would never otherwise consider, while at the same time providing a comfortable distance that provides a particular security so that we can actually bring ourselves to share those intimacies (even if we do go back and delete, alter or hide the post an hour later). The little white box gives us a measure of security (even if it false - and trust me, it is) while writing gives us additional access to our brains.

Since this has been use primarily as a personal journal, many of the past entries are not available for public viewing. The posts for class, of course, will always be public and anyone is welcome to view and comment on the past posts that are public if you're interested (but I'm not assuming you will be).

Anyway, this post is too long and I would like to get to bed before 4 am.

P.S. If you haven't notice, I ramble off on tangents. I would apologize in advance but apologies are meaningless if you're going to do it anyway.
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Saturn square Ascendant: Appropriate relationships

Beginning of October 2008 until mid July 2009: This influence signifies a time of severe testing in your relationships with others. The demands of your work or the demands of your personal life will force you to reevaluate which relationships in your life are worth keeping and which are not. If you do not face this challenge consciously, the pressure of events will force you to do so, because people who have been with you for a long time will leave against your wishes.

There is often a strong tendency to build a wall between you and others without even realizing it. The only way you will know is that suddenly you will feel alone and out of touch with everybody. You may feel that you have no support from others, even loved ones whom you have counted on in the past for love and support. This may represent a temporary state of affairs or a passing mood. Or it may represent a serious breakdown in your relationships because of misplaced priorities in the past or because of associating with people who were wrong for you in terms of your personal goals and needs.

In the case of misplaced priorities, perhaps you have paid more attention to getting ahead in life than to giving and receiving love. Or perhaps in the past, fear of your own inadequacies or fear that you are unlovable has made you withdraw from others. Now the consequences of these problems are emerging, causing you to feel alone.

In the second case, the problem is that in terms of your direction in life, the people you associate with are a distraction or are actually opposed to your interests. In this case, no matter how much you love them, walls will form between you and them, and you will have to begin a new life without them.

With this influence several significant relationships will inevitably end. But if you have a clear idea of where you are going, this will not be a great disadvantage. Whatever remorse you feel will be quickly displaced by a new sense of freedom, because you are no longer wasting energy in trying to maintain inappropriate relationships

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There were places where I could recycle electronics for free. I have a TV that doesn't work and I refuse to move it to the new place - it could probably be easily fixed but I'm not electronically inclined and I've had it since I was 16 so maybe it's just time to let the TV go to the great den in the sky.

BUT I don't want to throw it in the trash, that just seems wasteful.
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Eartha Kitt
January 17, 1927 – December 25, 2008

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